Questions, doubts, constant wondering. This has been my life for the last three weeks. Did He really say that to me? Did I just imagine it? What if it was just what I wanted and I thought I was hearing His voice? I don’t see how any of what He said can happen… it’s impossible!
Where has the trust and faith that I had only weeks ago gone? How can I have left one country so full of hopes, dreams, and promises given to me from the Promise Giver to return to the one I call home only to begin questioning the last five months of my life and all that I hold dear?
It all comes down to one question: do I believe that God is faithful to keep His promises?
Well, maybe it comes down to more than one question, but I think the question above sums up all the others, because if He is faithful to keep His promises, then is He not also faithful to speak to me, to hear the cries of my heart, to carry me in my darkest moments, to walk beside me in my loneliness, and to rejoice with me in moments of joy?
He is faithful. He is faithful! Just because the answer does not come at the hour I expect it to does not mean that He is unfaithful. Just because the waiting is longer than I expected and the turn of events hasn’t panned out the way I had hoped doesn’t mean that my Father has broken faith and left me out in the void.
I know what lies ahead in my life, at least for next little while. But I also know that He has plans that are beyond anything I could fathom. My Father did not just send me back home to walk back to the old life I had, one filled with sadness, lies, and a hopelessness that made life seem like it was just a struggle to exist. Nei, he didn’t send me back home just to fail.
But that is one of the biggest lies the enemy wants me to buy into, isn’t? That I have been sent back to this seemingly familiar and boring quiet place that I have called home for all but five months of my short life, just to go back to “the way things were,” to a life filled with fear and hopelessness. He doesn’t want me to realise that my Father will be faithful to meet me here as He was to meet me in New Zealand and Vanuatu. He would have me so caught up in wondering whether God is faithful, so that I will not have the time to just simply trust in His ever constant nature and character. The Father and Friend that I encountered in New Zealand is still the same Father and Friend in this small tan sided house that I call home.
God is always, always, always faithful. Even when I am faithless. Even when I doubt. Even when I let the fears drown out the truth that He is always speaking to me in His ever gentle, ever quiet voice. I pray that whether the waiting is short or long, whether I feel like a fool or am filled with confidence in knowing that He has spoken to me, that I would always hold onto His eternal nature and character and that I would hold His word in higher regard than any fear, doubt, or lie the enemy would have me believe.
Luke 1:45 And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.