The Afterlife Awards (as told by a very unwilling participant)
I was brushing my teeth when the mirror applauded with ghostly clapping.
I froze, toothbrush halfway to my mouth. “Please don’t,” I said to the reflection, which was currently smiling without me.
From behind me came a raspy voice. “Don’t what? Celebrate your haunting? Tonight’s the big night!” Standing in my bathroom was a translucent man wearing what looked like a Victorian tuxedo and holding a clipboard. “I’m Leonard,” he continued. “Coordinator for the Afterlife Awards. You’ve been selected as the host location.”
“Host?” I asked hesitantly, toothbrush falling from my hand.
“Indeed! You’re this year’s ‘Most Consistently Haunted Human.'” Leonard reached out to pat my shoulder, but his hand passed through, leaving a cold sensation in it’s wake. “Congratulations! We couldn’t have done it without you staying here despite all the blood walls and spectral whispers.”
“You’re giving me an award?”
He laughed. “Oh heavens, no. The award’s for your ghost. You’re just the venue.” Before I could argue, my bathroom filled with mist, organ music, and about two dozen spirits in various stages of decomposition. Leonard tapped the side of a floating microphone that had appeared as well. “Ladies, ghouls, and incorporeal entities – welcome to the 143rd Annual Afterlife Awards! Tonight, we honour excellence in haunting!”
A gruesome cheer arose – mostly wails, clanking chains, and one very enthusiastic banshee scream that cracked my ceiling.
I stood in the corner, covering my ears until Leonard began reading the categories.
“Best Cold Spot!” he announced. A chunk of air froze solid and dropped to the floor.
Applause.
“Outstanding Poltergeist Performance in a Domestic Setting!” My lamp exploded.
More applause.
Several more categories were revealed. Then came the big one.
“Best Haunting of a Living Human! Leonard’s voice echoed. “And the winner is…” He ripped open the envelope with dramatic flair. “… Agatha Bonesworth!”
A shimmering figure drifted forward – my ghost. The one who’d been flickering lights and whispering my name like a creepy lullaby for months.
Agatha floated past me, winked, and said, “I told you I’d make something of myself.”
Leonard placed a golden urn in her hands. “For exceptional commitment to consistent terror, long-term dedication, and creative use of plumping noises.”
She curtsied, her lower half dissolving through the floor. “Oh my goodness, I didn’t perpare a speech. I’d like to thank my haunted human – Ted – for never moving out, no matter how many times I wrote Get Out in steam on his mirror.”
The audience moaned approvingly. Someone threw a bone bouquet.
I raised a hand. “I tried to move, but Zillow flagged my address as ‘non-mortally occupied.”
Agatha continued, ignoring me. “And, of course, my mentor Gregory, who taught me that subtle dread beats jump scares every time.”
Gregory waved from inside my refrigerator.
The ghosts toasted her with ectoplasm champagne. I stood there in despair, wondering if renters insurance covered supernatural award ceremonies.
Then Leonard turned to me. “As host, you get a small token of appreciation.” He handed me a certificate that read:
Certificate of Survival
Awarded to Ted for remaining technically alive
Despite continuous exposure to paranormal nonsense.
“Do I get anything else?” I asked.
Leonard smiled, teeth faintly glowing. “Oh, absolutely.” He looked a little too enthusiastic. “You get an encore haunting. Same time next year. She’ll need to defend her title.”
The ghosts applauded a final time, fading into the mist until only Agatha remained. She floated up beside me, smirking. “Better start practicing your screams, Ted.”
I sighed. “Can I least get a co-host credit next year?”
She considered it. “Only if you die first.”
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!
I’m so happy to have completed Inktober 2025 this year! It’s been so good getting back into writing after all this time. Thanks for following along and reading!